"For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness."-Ralph Waldo Emerson (American Poet)
Anger is a normal emotion, usually healthy and often useful, but bad temper is a disease that needs immediate attention.
Bad temper leaves an un-repairable scar behind. It steals your love, peace and even a relationship.
Marriage, a sacred bond can go disruptive with the slightest shadow of it. Make no room for bad temper and if it has already taken its space then read on to know how to get over it.
Before we begin, rank yourself in the anger checklist. If more than 3 statements are the one that you echo all the time then you need help.
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I am tense most of the time for one or the other reason.
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I struggle to sleep even after tedious work
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People tell me that I need to calm down.
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It is very hard to tell my spouse or anybody what is in my mind.
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My ways to calm down is - drugs or alcohol.
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Reverberating statement in my mind " Nobody understands me..." "I feel like sticking that man on the wall" or "I wish I could just bury her in a second."
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People always complain that I have hurt them (physically or verbally).
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I stay angry for hours.
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I use threatening words or gestures when angry.
The main causes for losing your temper may range from your official life to personal life. The sense of being let down, inferiority and past history can pave its path right into your bedroom forever.
Anger Management
There are many ways to control the fit of your anger. The only thing it needs is patience. Here are some of the steps that you can inhabit for the better.
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Commune your deepest fear, desire or anger to someone who can patiently listen.
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Do not shy to ask for help.
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Find the cause for all that anger and find a way to solve it.
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Practice relaxing techniques, like deep breathing, stretching, meditation and yoga.
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Use 'I' statements when describing a problem to avoid criticizing the other person.
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For instance say, ' I am upset because you ignored me in the party', instead of yelling 'why did 'You' ignore me in the party?'
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Maintain good health through a healthy diet.
Anger management is not suppressing, but converting your anger into positive action. When you are angry learn to calm down in a positive and non-destructive way. Laugh it out. Spend some time watching cartoons or reading jokes. Ease yourself not to brood on your problem or fear.Spend some fun time with friends and family.
Try the most traditional method of counting backwards, or just concentrate on something else when you really want to stamp the partner down.
Always remember, use of abusive words or gestures can be like knifing the person right inside the heart. You may walk up to him/her and say sorry later, but it doesn't effect after the wound is done.
To the spouse
If your husband/wife in anger uses abusive words, be calm. Don't let him/ her get aggressive. Use words that can calm them. If you are getting hurt tell them, " You are hurting me" and move out of the place immediately. At the same time do not make them feel you are ignoring the whole situation. Make him/ her feel guilty or ashamed for the act. But don't nag them to such an extent that he/she will be up in arms again. Do not trigger his anger. Do not recall the words or gestures used in fit of anger.
Practice these strategies to keep your anger at control. However if your anger seems out of control or its hurting your relationship or its making your house a war zone everyday then seek the help of a Psychotherapist or an anger management professional.
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